thefluttering

http://atheistexperience.blogspot.com/2010/08/coming-out.html

I currently attend a Catholic university in my hometown. I feel a twinge of shame admitting that, because it is completely contrary to my secular identity. However, I willingly transferred here, quite recently, from a women’s college across the country. The women’s college was exceptional, and I was surrounded by freethinkers and feminists. However, I was excruciatingly lonely, and experiencing some personal traumas which caused me to become increasingly depressive and anti-social. I also had some questions about the relevancy of women’s colleges in modern society. I also felt a little sickened by the number of Muslim women at this school who were there because they were discouraged from being in the public sector with men. I know this is a broad statement. But I’m still not going to retract it. These Muslim women were representing the opposite of the empowerment that the rest of the young women at this school were trying to achieve. I believe in standing up and fighting for one’s rights until those rights are given. And I believe women have yet to reach total equality in this society, so, yes, the fight is still necessary. But are women’s colleges the way to fight this fight? By deliberate isolation from the rest of the world- a world in which men exist, and are legitimate competitors in academia and in the job market? I truly do not have a clear answer to these questions yet. Anyway, back to why I transferred. It was in my own weakness and utter desperation that I chose to sacrifice that oasis of intelligent young women, and attend Catholic university of lesser quality, if it meant I could live in my hometown with the people I love.

Today, at my new Catholic school, I attended one of my classes called “Foundations of Reflection: Others.” Confused about the subject matter of this course? So am I. I have been in this class for nine weeks, and I am still unclear about what exactly I’m taking. So far we have discussed globalization at great length, and every night we are assigned to read the Papal Encyclical, (which, in itself is almost unbearable). I think this class is a philosophy credit. This class is taught by a Brother in the Catholic Society of Mary. This is the religious order that runs my school. If this class is a philosophy credit (which I’m almost positive it is), why is it taught by a member of the Catholic laity? Isn’t the principle of philosophy an attempt to provide secular, rational, ways of thinking?

One day, my professor encouraged all of us to sign up for the 40 Days For Life campaign. For those of you who don’t know what that means, this is a pro-life campaign that is dedicated to prayer and fasting, and continuous protests at abortion facilities. 40 Days for Life is a disgusting hate group determined to pester and harass women, (and their families), into feeling even more agony than the initial physical and mental agony of having to get an abortion. Mind you, this campaign was started by a man, who obviously knows all about what it’s like to be pregnant and face the question of whether or not to abort. The day my professor mentioned 40 Days for Life, I instantly lost any respect for him that I had previously. This is a philosophy class, not a theology class, and there is a huge difference between the two. Along with that, every day at school I pass by a giant 40 Days for Life banner. How can other students simply accept the intolerance and ignorance that is being advocated by this campaign, and therefore by this university? More than angering me, it deeply worries me that other students are not jumping up in protest.

Today, my professor showed us a video of a graduate of the university, who came last year to speak with the students about his travels in Bangladesh. This guy, I’ll call him “Josh”, spoke about being an American in a different country, and how oftentimes he was criticized for being an American. He spoke about how stereotypes are not true for everyone, (Wow, ya think?) and therefore we should dismiss all stereotypes. He also spoke about how a lot of his Muslim friends in different countries criticized American women for being “loose.” To this, Josh said, “It’s not true. Not all stereotypes about Americans are true. Not all American women are loose.” Josh went on to discuss his disappointment with the burqa ban in France. He also mentioned that Muslim women are not as oppressed as we ignorant westerners may think. In fact, many of them choose to wear a hijab. Aside from being talked to like a kindergartener, I disagreed with almost everything this idiot said. Why on earth were we wasting valuable class time watching him speak? And WHY weren’t any other students objecting to anything this guy said? Why am I the only one who felt angered by these statements? I wanted so badly to speak up but the video ran until the very last minute of class. And I definitely needed more time than that to explain my anger. First of all, many stereotypes are true to a degree, and should be analyzed by a culture, and used like a metaphorical mirror to society, rather than being completely dismissed as Josh advised. Secondly, sexually active women should never, ever be referred to as “loose”. There are no negative words for men who have multiple sex partners. So why are there so many negative words for women who have multiple sex partners? There is absolutely nothing wrong with women having sex with different partners. And there is nothing wrong with women wearing little clothing. The same way that there is nothing wrong with men wearing little clothing, or having multiple sex partners. This has nothing to do with the morality of a society. And the fact that Josh acknowledged that not all American women were “loose,” but SOME were, further enforces this idea that women do not have the right to be sexually liberated, while men do. I am appalled that this person was allowed to speak at my university. I spoke to a friend after class about this, and he said, “But being a whore does mean that you don’t have any morals.” These are the kinds of people that I’m in school with. Anyway, Josh also mentioned his disgust with France’s burqa ban. I am in favor of the burqa ban; I think it is important to eradicate oppression in any form, and especially in the form of religion. I have no tolerance for intolerance. And Islam, like every other religion, is chock full of intolerance, especially towards women. I am so sick of hearing that Muslim women aren’t really oppressed, and that westerners “just don’t understand Islam.” I understand Islam very well. And I know that many Muslim women are oppressed, and most of them are so brainwashed from being indoctrinated at a young age that they actually think they are choosing this life of degradation. I do not mean to only pick on Islam. All religions are equally detrimental to human development. But I feel that Islam is the most violent, and most volatile of our time.

I am beyond disappointed with Josh, my professor, my class, and my university as a whole.  If my university is a microcosm of my city, or even my country, needless to say, this is terrifying.  These are the people who will soon be graduating and going out into the world. I feel very outnumbered by people who seem to be infected with either apathy or religion, and I am not accustomed to this kind of ignorance at the university level.

This blog is my attempt to move away from being misrepresented on Facebook. I have a lot to say, and I need a more relevant and effective place to put all my words. The purpose is to sharpen my critical thinking ability and express the thoughts that I am often too inhibited to vocalize. For the development of humanity, it is crucial for us to speak (or write) openly. At its core, this is a resistance to the tyranny of various political, religious, and educational institutions and ideologies, and I hope to solely provoke thought, reason, love, dignity, and progress with this blog.

I have tried to turn my back on being a writer, and have gone so far as to abandon an English degree and pursue an Environmental Science degree instead. However, not surprisingly, I’ve discovered that my identity as a writer cannot be ignored; it is innately a part of me. It bubbles up within me whenever I feel any sort of raw emotion. That being said, I need to write this blog. I need to speak up for myself (and others); I need to sift through a world of subjectivity and abstraction, and try to spit out some truths. If I do not do this, I fear that I will lose myself, and consequently humanity will lose a part of itself, in a way that can never be recovered.